So I spent quite a bit of time last night reflecting on this whole group, and since no one has really wrote anything in response to it since yesterday, I figured that I should at least say something before I leave this group.
When I was added to this group on Friday, it became clear very quickly, after reading all of the different messages and posts and comments, that a lot of people seem hate you, Dorian. Despise you, in fact. Maybe even loathe you with every fiber of their being. Yet I’m not one of those people. I’ve known you since I moved out here from Michigan all the way back in 1997, have known a lot of the shit that you went through in those middle/high school days and have felt nothing but sympathy for you for a long time. And in a lot of ways, I still do. And while I may not agree with a majority of your beliefs and theories, and think you can get way too extreme with it at times, I’ve always taken an “agree to disagree” approach to it all, as I don’t like differences to get in the way of friendship. Plus I used to be very political myself in my college days, so I get it: but while I still care about the issues, I've now come to a point where I’ve decided it’s more important to maintain friendships and than argue over issues and try to convince people come Hell or high water into your way of thinking…no matter how right it may be. So while I don’t agree with you a lot of the time, it’s never bothered me.
My main problem right now, Dorian, has been your treatment of women. There have been rumblings about it through the music community for years now, and I would hear stories like Chelsea’s and be absolutely appalled. And then as time wore on I’d hear more of them from more people, and friends would start showing me texts and Facebook messages that they’d receive, and people like Derek would tell me that they’d try to take you to task for your actions to no avail. And all of it puts me in a horrible position as a friend and someone who’s known you for as long as I have. Because I’d like to think that the person I know wouldn’t stoop to that kind of condescending language and atrocious behavior, but yet other friends were presenting clear evidence of it to my face that proved the contrary. Now I haven’t seen evidence of every single accusation first-hand, and I don’t blame your sister at all for sticking up for you against this, and I can’t really tell you what to do in terms of how to respond to it or seek help for it. But these are vile, disgusting and reprehensible things that I’ve seen, Dorian. And even if they all aren’t true, I do think you need to reconcile some of this behavior, if not with other people, then at the very least with yourself.
But at this point I think everyone has been divided into “teams” at this point. One team will stick up and defend you no matter the accusations, and the other will always say “fuck Dorian” no matter what. And sadly I think there’s no going back from that at this point. And I personally hate that, as I’m someone who by nature hates conflict and would rather see everyone get along. But the thing is is that none of this helps you, because none of this has addressed the real issue here: how do you become a better person? And while no one deserves a hate group, and some comments went too far, and you have a right to be angry and upset about it, the one thing that’s clear is that it seems that you’ve burnt a lot of bridges, and a lot of people flat out do not like you, whether justly or not. And the question you should ask yourself is “why?”
As for me, the bridge hasn’t been burnt yet. Damaged, yes, but not burnt. I’ve always been someone who believes in both redemption and second chances as well as forgiveness, and that while it doesn’t condone or excuse any past actions or behavior at all, someone can learn from their mistakes and become a better person. I’ve most certainly made mistakes in my lifetime and have gotten help for issues that I’ve had myself (like anxiety attacks that I’ve had since a high school car accident, for example). So while it may be very easy for you to dismiss everything that’s been said out of anger (and I wouldn’t necessarily blame you for it), this could also be a moment in your life where you reflect, do some inner soul searching, and hopefully come out of the other end a better person because of it.
If this group makes you never want to talk to me again, Dorian, then that’s fine. But In the end, though, I just want to see you become a better person. And honestly, I wouldn’t have written any of this if I didn’t think there was some chance that you can be.
